Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in ashm0eduh's LiveJournal:

Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
6:10 pm	update out of anger; yes. it's true. i'm updating out of anger. my mother..is still the same. Her boyfriend lives her. his kids are over on the weekend. and i have two jobs. and a boyfriend.  I'm tired of people liking my boyfriend; and god i'm tired of not seeing him. and by people. i mean nicole.  i know she wants to be with him, but i won't give him up. i want to, but i'm not goign to because i love him. when you're in a relationship [for 2 WHOLE ]years then you know you're meant to be with that person.  my mom doesn't spend very much time with me anymore. never really did, and expects me to pay for everything now that i'm 18. i only make minimum wage.  sometimes i think i'm ready to move out. but i know i'm not. I didn't make it into u of l. that's devastating. High school changes people; it makes them have this angry attitude; and mean voice. my best friends have changed more than anything. i don't know what to do. I know i got jesus. buttttt i don't think i'm doing too good with that. i want to ask him for help. but i don't think this is something he can help me with. i think i'm having an inner self conflict. something that i need to fix on m y own. i love you all, but if you have a problem with me. let me know =] not afraid to settle that problem (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 6th, 2006
6:36 pm	challenges. This will not be a very long update. but it'll be long enough. ever sincemom has had this boyfriend [mike] she's spent less andless time making sure i'm ok. when vernon was around, she cared about me. when vernon was gone, she cared about me.  Now it's like i don't even exist. she never does anything with me like she says she's going to, never does anything she puts her word to, and i never get to go with her, it's always him. I'm jealous, yes, but do I hate him? No. I don't. He's nice. and nicer than everyone else.  But she's a witch to be around when he's here. and i bet she's already slept with him, sex will not make him stay. she doesn't understand. But if she wants to be a whore, that's fine. I don't even care. It's her decision, not mine. I get soo aggravated, i hit everything in sight, and i don't care what it is. If it's there, trust that i'll punch it, or smack it. I try to be nice, and supportive, but i can't.  Her friend kay is more supportive of me and cares more about me, than my own mother. and that's just not fair. I'm sorry but it's not. I don't know. I'm just aggravated i suppose. so hate me. and yes i'm still trying to get back into church and turn into the old me. yes. it's hard. Yes. I'm trying. ohhh and i've been working. and improving my grades. so it looks like this job is helping me out =] i've got to go. much love. ashm0e Current Mood: aggravated (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 21st, 2006
9:02 am	Another dollar; another day. Another Dollar; Another day. I know it's backwards But that's how I want it to be. if you've got a problem...who cares. haha =] Im kidding. This month has been fun so far. I got a job. At Gourmet corn and more. Otherwise the popcorn place in the mall. I haven't started working there yet. But I am scheduled to start I'm just waiting on my bosss to call and say "asheley you need to come  in to work" haha. I havent been to church in about 2 weeks. I feel bad for falling from the tree. But I can't help it. It happens. atleast I worship him at my house right? I went to the movies last night with Ally. Ronnie was supposed to be up there and so was Cayte and Jimmy. Buttt Cayte didn't come and I told Ronnie we were going to see year of the man because we thought Marie Antoinette wasn't playing at cinema delux until monday. But we were mistaken. So we went to see it. And Ally and I couldn't stop laughing the entire time. it was weird. =] It's ok though. Anyways. I'm getting kinda sick. and it hurts to talk and cough. MY poorrr throat. GRR! lol Butt im' gonna go kiddos. Mucho Amor. Current Mood: happy Current Music: John Mayer waiting on the world to change (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
11:51 am	a few achievements? nah I think not. I'm updating before i go layback down. I stayed home today. Not feeling too well. my stomach is cramping up like a machine. danngg. Good analogy. haha. I love everything about school, it's exuberhant. The rumors, the jokes, the friends, the laughter. It's amazing to me. It makes me want to go every day. I love it. yup. htat's what it is. I love it. but i'm going to bed now. io'm tired and in pain. mucho amor. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Cricket Commercial on the Radio (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 9th, 2006
7:55 pm	one one one one zero one one one updating. for one second. everyone's at lrs fest, i'm stuck at home. it's cool. i don't care. yesterday night. I was sick. Badly. couldn't even hold up the phone, or myself for that matter. I just kept passing out. that's what I did. passed out. I had a football game last night as well. it was hectic. VERYY hectic. badly. buttt. i managed. I feel like crap right now, and just wanna drink drink drink. [water and juice] buttt i don't. andd i hate being yelled at. for the record. plus this is the only update i can give for now. i'll update IN DETAIL a little more later. maybe tomorrow. [if I can make it to church] <3 m0e (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
10:37 pm	unbelievably unperfect So. i'm updating. amazing right? Wellllll let's see. Today I went to the doctor. they told me I have a sinus infection. Nothing big. everyone says it hurts. but it only hurt for one day. Nothing biggg like I said. Thennnn i didn't get to go to church, which makes me mad, because I try. Hard. Seriously. I try, and I try..but I never make it. Mom didn't want me to go because I was sick. She didn't want me to get other's sick and she didn't want me to get SICKER. which sucks. I have people thinking because I say silly things on myspace; that i'm twoo faced. Yeah. If anyone's TWO FACED, it's you. Not me. [not intended to hurt anyone's feelings on lj.] and speaking of which; i hurt my [VERY] good friends feelings. Andd I didn't mean it. I still feel bad for saying what I said, but i never intended for it to come across as what I said. I know it's easily to mistake things, but if you ever wonder what I meant by it, please ask me...because I'll tell you the truth, and I never mean to hurt my friends. Seriously. I really don't. I love them alot. and I wouldn't ever do that. I missed school today; crazy weird. dangg doctor gave me medicine. =] yay. Jenn tried to tell me that I had mono. But nooope. i ain't got that. My throat don't look like no mono niggas. Andd I'm going with her and her family saturday and sunday to lanesville indiana, for the heritage weekend. It's gonna be fun,. I think. I kinda didn't wanna go, because I just wanna stay at home, but I haven't been over there in a while. =[ soo my olddd school best friend sent me a message on myspace and told me to call her. I'm hesitating, because welll i don't like calling people very much, i'd much rather talk to them on the computer. So I think i'm gonna do it. What's the worse that could happen, her tell me she hates me and hang up? yup. that's the worse. I mean, no loss right? ahh i'm scared. i think i'm gonna do it though. i'll talk to you fella's and ladie's later. Goodnight. m0e Current Mood: Skidish Current Music: None. (Comment on this)
9:40 am	Fear Of fate. Good morning. or night. wherever you are reading this from, it's one or the other. It could be afternoon. who knows. haha. I had after school band practice yesterday, it was hell. litterally, because well, there were kids that just didn't wanna do it. so they didn't. And well, I had to yell. I hate yelling. It puts me in a weird position. Makes me powerful, but I guess that's part of being the field commander. who knows, I sure don't. I also had to stay home from school today. Because, I'm sick. STILL. It's crazy. I had a fever this morning, and chills. I thought I was cold, but apparently I was hot. I don't know. But I'm going to the doctor today. at about 150. well 100 is what my mom told my dad. Because he never gets me anywhere on time. nope nope nope. But I do however want to go back to sleep. I just can't seem to hold myself together. It's ridiculous. seriously ridiculous. School is pretty easy, but I'm sure it'll get harder by december. I think I'm going to switch to honors english. that's going to make me want to stay at school more than I should want to. Which is a good thing. I believe. Seriously. I try to update this thing as much as possible, but sometimes I either forget, or just don't feel like doing it. Like yesterday, I came home after rehersal, and just went to sleep, only after taking a shower, and eating dinner. I slept til 10. I probably missed the season premiere of my favorite show --House. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to go to church tonight. Which isn't fair because I had to miss last wednesday and sunday. Because I was sick and my mother doesn't want me to give it to anyone else, buttt if I get medicine I can go =] haha. I'm smart. yup that I am. never underestimate me. Or i'll kick you. Just kidding. But seriously. I'm pretty tired. I'm going to go nap. I'll talk to you guys after I get done with my drs appointment. yup. I love you all. always true. Ashm0e Current Mood: crazyyy crankkerson Current Music: Gnarls Barkley (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 3rd, 2006
12:59 am	Morning fellow readers. I previously had a lj. But I have forgotten the password, therefore I refuse to use it. Well not like i have much of a choice. School has started. and it's quite the blessing this year. Nothing but easy classes. Well rather; a few easy ones, and few that I need for college. Those are the hard ones. Like A+, College algebra [Gross], and well that's it. Because I love English. Its the easiest for me. I loveee writing. [otherwise I wouldn't have this live journal]. The incoming freshmen are unbelieveably immature. What do you expect out of the generation. It's ignorance. Matthew and I are celebrating our 2 year anniversary. Our anniversary isn't til the 6th, but we both {unfortunately} in school that day. But I must say, today was amazing. He took me out for dinner. I didn't really want anything, besides dinner But i got more than i could ask for. The time to spend with him, and a bracelet. {not much on the jewelry. Because well. I Love him more than fashion haha}. Even though the bracelet is beautimous. But the time with him, was just....amazing. He can't keep his hands off me. I must be amazing as well. lol. I didn't have the money to give him anything. so I gave him this card. He laughed as soon as he seen it, in the restauraunt. That made me smile more than anything. Just seeing him laugh, and smile made me happy. I probably should be going to bed soon, but the sad thing is, i'm not even remotely tired. I have church tomorrow though, and I really do need to go. It's part of being a christian. and my aunt and uncle are afraid that I'm going to drop out of that. I don't really have much time to spend with friends, but the time I do have, they don't have for me. Like lisa. I know she doesn't intentionally try to ignore me, and that she's always got volleyball or yearbook, butt I really just wish she had time to spend with me. Over summer, we started writing songs together. Then school started, and she doesn't have time for me. It hurts. Because I am usually the one that doesn't have time for anyone. Because well, I have marching band, but this year we're not doing marching band. We're only doing parades. Because we have a new band director. Mr.Hatton. He's pretty nifty. He's also a preacher at a church of his in indiana. I think that's awesome. He thinks that we should not march this year, and get our numbers up. BUt at the rate it's going, we're not getting any numbers up, we're getting them down. mainly because mrs.schmidt sent out a letter saying that she had to quit, granite; it was nice of her to let everyone know, instead of making it a suprise, butt it really just made people not want to be in band. and mostly people just don't want to stay after for school rehersal, because well. they're potheads. yup that's the main reason. haha. oh well. they're not willing to be in band, then i'm not willing to give them the time of day. My father and angela are still together. and my sister has a boyfriend as well. They've been dating for like 5 months. crazy. They're both only 11. I think it's cute though. seriously. I hope they stay together for a whilte. because they're cute together. Samantha and Tyler that is. My dad's girlfriend [Angela] is pregnant with my father's baby. It's going to be a boy. I'm suprised. Like. I never thought this would happen, and when my father told samantha and I, I was praying in my head [God please don't let him say that Angela is pregnant]. Then the words poured from his mouth. I was amazed. THe thing I had been dreading for years had finally came to life. But I've come to realize, when you expect the worst, it happens. So I'm happy that angela is going to have a baby. I'm not happy that the thing is going to be 10 when i'm 28. it's crazy. seriously. BUt i'm happy that it's happening. I got my permit. but I haven't gotten to drive at all. Stacey morris' mother said I could drive her car for my test, because mom's isn't driveable, and the speedometer doesn't work. and you have to have a working car to take the test in. soo i suppose maybe jenns mom will take me driving sometime or nother. haha. hopefully maybe sometime soon. I sure hope so. MY father is supposed to teach me how to drive a stick shift. but I have to go over his house, and frankly, i don't have much time to do that anymore. Always busy with Matthew, lisa, cayte, and linz. [Shayla as well, if she wasnt in college right now]. anyways. I suppose that's it for right now. I mean, there's nothing much more I can say that you haven't already heard fall from my mouth. I will update soon fellow LJ readers/bloggers. Have a nice sunday, and a great saturday night. Always True. Ashm0e Current Mood: content Current Music: none. (Comment on this)