In the city

update out of anger;

2007-02-03T23:15:41Z

yes. it's true. i'm updating out of anger.
my mother..is still the same. Her boyfriend lives her. his kids are over on the weekend. and i have two jobs. and a boyfriend.
I'm tired of people liking my boyfriend; and god i'm tired of not seeing him.
and by people. i mean nicole.
i know she wants to be with him, but i won't give him up. i want to, but i'm not goign to because i love him. when you're in a relationship [for 2 WHOLE ]years then you know you're meant to be with that person.
my mom doesn't spend very much time with me anymore. never really did, and expects me to pay for everything now that i'm 18. i only make minimum wage.
sometimes i think i'm ready to move out. but i know i'm not.
I didn't make it into u of l. that's devastating.
High school changes people; it makes them have this angry attitude; and mean voice.
my best friends have changed more than anything.
i don't know what to do.
I know i got jesus. buttttt i don't think i'm doing too good with that.
i want to ask him for help. but i don't think this is something he can help me with. i think i'm having an inner self conflict. something that i need to fix on m y own.

i love you all, but if you have a problem with me. let me know =]
not afraid to settle that problem

challenges.

2006-11-07T00:36:30Z

This will not be a very long update.
but it'll be long enough.

ever sincemom has had this boyfriend [mike] she's spent less andless time making sure i'm ok.
when vernon was around, she cared about me.
when vernon was gone, she cared about me.
Now it's like i don't even exist.
she never does anything with me like she says she's going to, never does anything she puts her word to, and i never get to go with her, it's always him.
I'm jealous, yes, but do I hate him? No. I don't. He's nice. and nicer than everyone else.
But she's a witch to be around when he's here.
and i bet she's already slept with him, sex will not make him stay. she doesn't understand. But if she wants to be a whore, that's fine. I don't even care. It's her decision, not mine.
I get soo aggravated, i hit everything in sight, and i don't care what it is. If it's there, trust that i'll punch it, or smack it. I try to be nice, and supportive, but i can't.
Her friend kay is more supportive of me and cares more about me, than my own mother. and that's just not fair. I'm sorry but it's not. I don't know. I'm just aggravated i suppose.
so hate me.

and yes i'm still trying to get back into church and turn into the old me.
yes. it's hard.
Yes. I'm trying.
ohhh and i've been working.
and improving my grades. so it looks like this job is helping me out =]

i've got to go.
much love.

ashm0e

Another dollar; another day.

2006-10-21T13:12:06Z

Another Dollar; Another day.
I know it's backwards But that's how I want it to be. if you've got a problem...who cares. haha =]
Im kidding. This month has been fun so far. I got a job. At Gourmet corn and more. Otherwise the popcorn place in the mall. I haven't started working there yet. But I am scheduled to start I'm just waiting on my bosss to call and say "asheley you need to come in to work"
haha.
I havent been to church in about 2 weeks. I feel bad for falling from the tree. But I can't help it. It happens. atleast I worship him at my house right?
I went to the movies last night with Ally. Ronnie was supposed to be up there and so was Cayte and Jimmy. Buttt Cayte didn't come and I told Ronnie we were going to see year of the man because we thought Marie Antoinette wasn't playing at cinema delux until monday. But we were mistaken. So we went to see it. And Ally and I couldn't stop laughing the entire time. it was weird. =] It's ok though. Anyways.
I'm getting kinda sick. and it hurts to talk and cough. MY poorrr throat. GRR! lol

Butt im' gonna go kiddos. Mucho Amor.

a few achievements? nah I think not.

2006-09-19T15:52:38Z

I'm updating before i go layback down. I stayed home today. Not feeling too well. my stomach is cramping up like a machine. danngg. Good analogy. haha. I love everything about school, it's exuberhant. The rumors, the jokes, the friends, the laughter. It's amazing to me. It makes me want to go every day. I love it. yup. htat's what it is. I love it.

but i'm going to bed now. io'm tired and in pain.

mucho amor.

one one one one zero one one one

2006-09-09T23:57:14Z

updating. for one second.
everyone's at lrs fest, i'm stuck at home. it's cool. i don't care.
yesterday night. I was sick. Badly. couldn't even hold up the phone, or myself for that matter. I just kept passing out. that's what I did. passed out. I had a football game last night as well. it was hectic. VERYY hectic. badly. buttt. i managed.
I feel like crap right now, and just wanna drink drink drink. [water and juice] buttt i don't.

andd i hate being yelled at. for the record.
plus this is the only update i can give for now. i'll update IN DETAIL a little more later. maybe tomorrow. [if I can make it to church]

<3 m0e

unbelievably unperfect

2006-09-07T02:48:22Z

So. i'm updating. amazing right? Wellllll let's see. Today I went to the doctor. they told me I have a sinus infection. Nothing big. everyone says it hurts. but it only hurt for one day. Nothing biggg like I said. Thennnn i didn't get to go to church, which makes me mad, because I try. Hard. Seriously. I try, and I try..but I never make it. Mom didn't want me to go because I was sick. She didn't want me to get other's sick and she didn't want me to get SICKER. which sucks.
I have people thinking because I say silly things on myspace; that i'm twoo faced. Yeah. If anyone's TWO FACED, it's you. Not me. [not intended to hurt anyone's feelings on lj.]

and speaking of which; i hurt my [VERY] good friends feelings. Andd I didn't mean it. I still feel bad for saying what I said, but i never intended for it to come across as what I said. I know it's easily to mistake things, but if you ever wonder what I meant by it, please ask me...because I'll tell you the truth, and I never mean to hurt my friends. Seriously. I really don't. I love them alot. and I wouldn't ever do that.

I missed school today; crazy weird. dangg doctor gave me medicine. =] yay. Jenn tried to tell me that I had mono. But nooope. i ain't got that. My throat don't look like no mono niggas. Andd I'm going with her and her family saturday and sunday to lanesville indiana, for the heritage weekend. It's gonna be fun,. I think. I kinda didn't wanna go, because I just wanna stay at home, but I haven't been over there in a while. =[

soo my olddd school best friend sent me a message on myspace and told me to call her. I'm hesitating, because welll i don't like calling people very much, i'd much rather talk to them on the computer. So I think i'm gonna do it. What's the worse that could happen, her tell me she hates me and hang up? yup. that's the worse. I mean, no loss right?

ahh i'm scared.
i think i'm gonna do it though.

i'll talk to you fella's and ladie's later.
Goodnight.
m0e

Fear Of fate.

2006-09-06T13:47:10Z

Good morning. or night. wherever you are reading this from, it's one or the other. It could be afternoon. who knows. haha.
I had after school band practice yesterday, it was hell. litterally, because well, there were kids that just didn't wanna do it. so they didn't. And well, I had to yell. I hate yelling. It puts me in a weird position. Makes me powerful, but I guess that's part of being the field commander. who knows, I sure don't.

I also had to stay home from school today. Because, I'm sick. STILL. It's crazy. I had a fever this morning, and chills. I thought I was cold, but apparently I was hot. I don't know. But I'm going to the doctor today. at about 150. well 100 is what my mom told my dad. Because he never gets me anywhere on time. nope nope nope.
But I do however want to go back to sleep. I just can't seem to hold myself together. It's ridiculous. seriously ridiculous.

School is pretty easy, but I'm sure it'll get harder by december. I think I'm going to switch to honors english. that's going to make me want to stay at school more than I should want to. Which is a good thing. I believe. Seriously.

I try to update this thing as much as possible, but sometimes I either forget, or just don't feel like doing it. Like yesterday, I came home after rehersal, and just went to sleep, only after taking a shower, and eating dinner. I slept til 10. I probably missed the season premiere of my favorite show --House.

I don't even know if I'm going to be able to go to church tonight. Which isn't fair because I had to miss last wednesday and sunday. Because I was sick and my mother doesn't want me to give it to anyone else, buttt if I get medicine I can go =]
haha.
I'm smart. yup that I am.

never underestimate me. Or i'll kick you. Just kidding. But seriously. I'm pretty tired. I'm going to go nap.
I'll talk to you guys after I get done with my drs appointment. yup. I love you all.

always true.

Ashm0e